The Sunday Crazies

I swear this blog is not about me identifying crazy people. I also realize that one of the reasons I can so easily identify crazy in other people is because I see it in myself.

Anyway, this is about the insane way I feel on Sundays. My sister just recently blogged about this strange phenomenon, as she feels the same way I do. It is almost indescribable but I will give it a try.

I get this feeling of dread and panic on Sundays. I get it especially bad when we leave somewhere we spent the weekend (multiplied a few times when it's longer than a weekend, such as a couple weeks at Christmas). Some days it's so bad I have to ask my husband "everything is okay, right? we're fine, right?" He's used to my crazy, so he always reassures me. Sometimes it gets so bad only a xanax will help. (Believe me, I KNOW how addictive these things are so I try not to take them more than once every few weeks or less) But I get very anxious. I feel like I need to be SO prepared for Monday. And usually, with my job I don't even have something first thing Monday morning.

I have a theory that it comes from when I was in school. I was such a horrible procrastinator that I would inevitably have a project or paper due that I hadn't even begun. So Sunday night was the time to cram or haphazardly put something together for Monday. I was always a decent student but I tended to not plan ahead much so I had a lot to worry about on Sundays.

I love spending time with my family and I know a good part of the dread is the fact that the next day is back to the grind. And sometimes I think working at home makes it worse, the missing of T and K. So it's silly to waste HALF of my precious time with them dreading and panicking and being anxious. And yet, the funny thing about mental stuff, rationale has nothing to do with it. It's like telling a depressed person to "cheer up". I have found that keeping busy with doing house things or working on Sundays helps some. I also am most likely to not get a good night sleep Sunday nights. I hate anxiety. It's so humbling. All my "evolving" and spiritual seeking and all that just melts away on a Sunday when I'm in a frenzy and can't figure out why and it's infuriating. I have come so very far in my spiritual search and yet it is all moot on a Sunday.