I wish I was a Charlotte but I'm really more of a Miranda

I had the best Sex and the City kind of night tonight with two of my girlfriends (I suppose my Carrie and my Samantha). We went to a dive bar for the best oysters I've eaten in years only to be followed up with a swank downtown bar's chocolate souffle with white chocolate and some liqueur that I can't think of sauce that was sex in a dessert. And of course my friend is a regular in both places, has never met a stranger and is a party all by herself.

So thank you to my husband for letting me have some girl time! Even though I can't for the life of me figure out why those super fun single girls want to hang out with a dorkwad like me.

Profiling

I don't often find myself racial profiling. I try really hard not to. I am always, however, crazy (dangerous) profiling. The guy sitting on his duffel bag outside 7/11 eating nachos and talking to himself at 8:48 a.m., he scares the bejeezus out of me.

I feel like a Cathy comic strip this morning, with my super huge sugar-free redbull and my frazzled hair. "Darn Mondays."

Word of the Day

hypo-Christian, pronunciation [hippo-Christian]
-noun
a person who claims to be a Christian and is actually the opposite of what "being a Christian" really means.


This word's origin is a friend of a friend. We'll call her Beth (because that's her name) ahahaha
stole that one from my sister. Sorry. We were out Christmas shopping. We were trying to switch lanes at a red traffic light. This woman was pulling out of a Christian bookstore and we motioned to her and asked if we could turn in, in front of her. She shook her head no and didn't let us in. Hypo-Christian to the core.

I have known many hypo-Christians in my lifetime. Girlfriend beaters. People who will screw you out of a dime faster than you can say, where'd my dime go? The epitome of why I won't join or go to a church. Don't get me wrong. I've been to a few churches I liked very much. And I'm not a God-hater and I'm not going to describe all of my religious and spiritual beliefs right here, right now.

I just detest people who *claim* to be all right with God and Jesus, their God, mind you, not everyone's. And yet, will treat you like you are the lowest form of dirt. Or even worse, try to mess with you or yours. Just for the power trip. Or whatever.

I will quote William Shakespeare to sum this now ridiculously deep blog up.
To thine own self be true.

Do the Bird!

I just uploaded some of the funniest pictures to facebook. I can't stop laughing at how ridiculous I look! It was over Christmas and a group of us went to Butterfly World. My niece and I decided to feed these birds with little cups of nectar. I felt like I was conquering one of my big fears. I'm so scared of birds. Mostly I'm afraid of their flappy little wings getting all tangled up in my hair. I've also had experiences with little hoppy birds pecking at my freckles like they were food.

My girlfriend has a bird that does tricks and hangs out on her shoulder. I'm pretty sure whenver I'm over there, it's plotting my early demise. I'm not positive how a ten-inch bird is going to kill me but I'm sure it will be slow and I'm sure it will be painful. She always says "oh, see? She likes you!" when the bird is eyeing me and trying to decide the quickest way to attack.

But I faced my fear! I had at least six or seven birds ALL over me. They were fighting over the nectar and squawking up a storm. One landed on the top of my head and I thought I might run screaming out of the screened-in atrium. I'm pretty sure after this experience (and one of the dumb-ass birds biting her) my niece now has a pretty deep-seeded fear of birds.

Happy Hump Day

I have come to a place in my life where I love writing. I love talking on the phone. I love articulating my thoughts, emotions and perceptions. And yet, I find that I'm hesitant to expound so much energy on things. I feel like my energy is going in so many different directions as it is, what with work, home, friends, family, etc. And then to actually *think* about things and also articulate them to someone else besides myself or my husband seems like a waste of energy.
I feel like I've been working so hard to evolve spiritually and emotionally that I'm cutting myself off from the rest of the world. It's almost like I'm working so hard on me over here that I don't have time to think about me. Does that make any sense?

I realize that I can't be such a hermit. Just because a book seems like better company than a friend. I WILL have lunch on occasion with friends. I WILL make a phone call while I'm cooking dinner instead of just listening to Barney and talking about crayons with Kennedy. At least I'll try. I'm having lunch with a girlfriend tomorrow. See how it goes....

The Sunday Crazies

I swear this blog is not about me identifying crazy people. I also realize that one of the reasons I can so easily identify crazy in other people is because I see it in myself.

Anyway, this is about the insane way I feel on Sundays. My sister just recently blogged about this strange phenomenon, as she feels the same way I do. It is almost indescribable but I will give it a try.

I get this feeling of dread and panic on Sundays. I get it especially bad when we leave somewhere we spent the weekend (multiplied a few times when it's longer than a weekend, such as a couple weeks at Christmas). Some days it's so bad I have to ask my husband "everything is okay, right? we're fine, right?" He's used to my crazy, so he always reassures me. Sometimes it gets so bad only a xanax will help. (Believe me, I KNOW how addictive these things are so I try not to take them more than once every few weeks or less) But I get very anxious. I feel like I need to be SO prepared for Monday. And usually, with my job I don't even have something first thing Monday morning.

I have a theory that it comes from when I was in school. I was such a horrible procrastinator that I would inevitably have a project or paper due that I hadn't even begun. So Sunday night was the time to cram or haphazardly put something together for Monday. I was always a decent student but I tended to not plan ahead much so I had a lot to worry about on Sundays.

I love spending time with my family and I know a good part of the dread is the fact that the next day is back to the grind. And sometimes I think working at home makes it worse, the missing of T and K. So it's silly to waste HALF of my precious time with them dreading and panicking and being anxious. And yet, the funny thing about mental stuff, rationale has nothing to do with it. It's like telling a depressed person to "cheer up". I have found that keeping busy with doing house things or working on Sundays helps some. I also am most likely to not get a good night sleep Sunday nights. I hate anxiety. It's so humbling. All my "evolving" and spiritual seeking and all that just melts away on a Sunday when I'm in a frenzy and can't figure out why and it's infuriating. I have come so very far in my spiritual search and yet it is all moot on a Sunday.